We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My breasts were aching with rage.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize