You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
