i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
