I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
