don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
