I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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