I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
