I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
