i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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