so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
