Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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