I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
