She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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