Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
