I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
