Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
