thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Farmville is her only friend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
