i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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