we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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