dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize