I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
