Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
