I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
