jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize