I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
