We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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