is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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