I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This house was built for laser tag.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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