at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
