Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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