can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize