I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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