Betty ford says i'm here all night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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