No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
