PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
