the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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