Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
