its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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