So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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