Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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