If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
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