I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
