Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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