I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
