awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
