I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone came in the potted fern
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
