Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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