that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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