Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
did you just send me my own nude
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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