Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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