sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
