Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
