saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
