I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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