The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
