Apparently you make a good broom.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize