Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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