i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
