I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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