Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
