You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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