i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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