You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
