just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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