just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no, he came in my armpit
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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