So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
