I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
