i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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