if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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